sassymcgee's Diaryland Diary

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Are we ACTUALLY going through this bullcrap!?

My god.

I never knew that buying a house could be such a mind f**k!

The house me sis was planning on buying turned out to be an utter money pit.

I think my sis even felt like Tom Hanks' character...
I expected to hear that laugh at any moment.

Every time someone stepped into the house they found another 5-6 thousand dollars worth of crap that needed to be fixed.

There was mold found that's not even found IN THIS COUNTRY!!!

No joke.

Luckily they were ridiculous and wanted her to pay for most of the crap that was wrong with the joint PLUS pay what the house was supposedly appraised at($100,00!! Seriously!?).

Needless to say she turned them down and got her money back.

Now she's under contract for a MUCH nicer house that doesn't SUCK.

She just has to get the appraisal done.

Thank god I didn't start packing too much.
Who says procrastination's bad?

4:44 p.m. - 2010-05-14

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Superstitious I am

Why do I STILL knock when I notice the time is 11:11?
It obviously doesn't work...

Because if it DID I would own about a million ponies, have a lifetime supply of Sprees, be a gazillionaire and be married to Alex P. Keaton.

And I don't even have ONE Spree dang it.

Stupid superstitions.

10:34 p.m. - 2010-05-06

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No I don't want to see your Millenium Falcon...

I just realized something today...

I loved Han Solo and thought he was AWESOME.
AND I thought Luke Skywalker was a tad ehh.

Of course I did.

Of COURSE I liked the cocky, almost assy guy over the quieter JEDI.

The more centered together one.

And it fits.

Another case of the wrong type of guy, a guy's guy(for better lack of words), that I tend to like.

I really DO have a pattern of a certain type.

Crap.

6:31 p.m. - 2010-05-04

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Oh the Old Days...Good Times. Good Times

the kiddies graduated from college today.

And I couldn't help but think of MY college graduation.

It all started with a going-away keg party.
Not so bad in itself, except that sometime we decided that playing euchre would be a good idea.
At one point my friend Jeremy dropped off my camera while it was still dark outside.
At least I THINK so.
Finally about 9:30 I look at the clock.
I had to stop the euchre game and pretty much kick my friends out.

I had to finish packing up my crap, shower to cover up the beer stench, and clean up the joint all before my parents, grandparents, an aunt, and my sister showed up at 11:30.

Needless to say I didn't QUITE get everything done.

When I actually got to the gym, I started to get the worst cotton mouth EVER. All I thought about the entire time was I seriously needed a cold beverage or I thought I was going to die.
Thank god my graduation ceremony was the last that day.
They sped through that commencement like they were on FIRE.

Ahhhh.

Memories.

6:33 p.m. - 2010-05-01

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What DOES an American look like?

Listen.

How can the new immigration law in Arizona NOT be racial profiling!?
I mean seriously!
The cops are going to go up to EVERY single person and ask if they have papers?

I doubt it.

Thank god I don't live in Arizona...

I never carry my id.

And then I would suddenly find myself in Mexico.

Or Canada.

Stupid government.

4:46 p.m. - 2010-04-29

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Walking Corpse

Lovely.

My co-workers asked me today if I'm anemic.
I said that probably since my mom and half her family is.
THEN they suggested I go to the doctor because the last couple of weeks I have looked even paler than normal.

Gee thanks.

I know they were actually worried about me, but still...

Honestly I probably should go.
I need to go.
I just don't want to.

Now I sound like a child.

At least I have insurance so paying for the visit isn't an issue.

So much for thinking I looked decent today.

Yeeeeeah.

2:39 p.m. - 2010-04-28

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Hey Sandman...Where Are YOU!?

Me so sleepy...

I can NOT get a decent night's sleep lately.
So much so that I feel myself wanting to nod off at work.
While I'm standing.
Taking money.
I think I even nodded off earlier this afternoon while I was on the computer.

I think I'm going to give this sleep thing another shot now.

Fingers crossed.

10:32 p.m. - 2010-04-26

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Monica Lewinsky: The Next Generations

Okay.

I am sick and TIRED of people blaming everyone BUT themselves for their problems.

Are you listening Mr James?
Mr. Woods?

"Oh feel bad for me. I can't be blamed for my disgusting affairs...I'm addicted to sex. That's why I'm going to rehab(Cue fake sad remorseful face). Sob."

Are you frigging kidding ME!!??

They're not addicted to sex!!
They're just jackasses who got caught with their pants down.
And to fix their "image" they said this crap to get people to feel sorry for them.
The sad effing thing is that some people will be stupid enough to buy their bull crap.

"Guys will be guys. Blah blah blah..."

Blech.

Lets not forget about the skanky girls who choose to sleep with these men AND keep evidence of the affair so they can get their 15 minutes of ho fame.

Classy.

Ladies let me give you a tip:

THESE MEN WILL TREAT YOU LIKE TRASH IF YOU ACT LIKE IT!!!!

Stop screwing married men and maybe, just maybe, people will treat you better.

Just an idea.

Idiots.

4:39 p.m. - 2010-04-25

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Al Gore just threw up in his mouth a bit...

Yesterday my school had a recycling contest for all the departments.

Great right?

You would think so...
But they unloaded all the cans, plastic bottles and other stuff INSIDE.
On the nice hardwood floors.
THEN people used plastic bags to bring said recyclables to whoever was running it.
Which they threw in the trash.

What the...!?

There were plenty of beer bottles though.

And I mean CASES.

Oh and they left the MESS there in the hallway OVERNIGHT.

Geniuses.

Next time they do this, MAYBE they should have the recycling bins BEFORE they collect.

Just a thought.

9:06 p.m. - 2010-04-22

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Pull ova! This is the fashion police!

Okay.

Some women need to seriously invest in a full-length mirror so they can see their behinds.
They truly need to see that their skirt REALLY isn't very flattering...

One of the professors at work was wearing this skirt that was WAY shorter in the back than the front.
I would have to say from the side there was at LEAST a 30 degree angle to said skirt.

What the...!?

Was she just trying to fool herself into believing the skirt still fits?
Does she think that's how skirts should always look?
Or is she legally blind without her spectacles so all she saw in the mirror was a big blur?

Honestly?

I think she just put the skirt on without looking into a mirror and thought it fit simply because it fit around her.

WRONG!!!

Well we ARE talking about a straight married woman who sports a MULLET-like 'do so maybe it's all a part of her fashion "sense".

Yikes.

9:31 p.m. - 2010-04-20

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Oh the things I still learn from the pops...

Life lesson:

It is impossible to drive a stick shift and eat a creme-stick doughnut WITHOUT wearing said creme all over your shirt.

My dad found this one out the hard way.

Wish I would've been there to see that.

HA!

6:21 p.m. - 2010-04-18

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Why no, I wouldn't like to be a Pepper too

Hold on to your seats...

I have given up a crap load of my soda intake.

For the past couple of weeks this chickie has went from about 4-5 cans of delicious soda a day to about 6-7 a WEEK!

I KNOW!

I can barely stay awake lately.

I never realized how much I drank until I cut it down so much.
If I drink one, I also make sure I don't drink it after 7pm.

Before you know it, I'll be one of those health freak-a-zoids.

My side hurts from laughing so much.

Ouch.

10:18 p.m. - 2010-04-16

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Eureka! I discovered a new illness!

When I woke up this morning, I was unusually alert and pleasant.

But my body was a bit achy all over.

So I decided to text my boss and call into work.
Here's our texts:

Me: "I'm not coming in today. I have body. It's a lot worse than left."

Boss: "Dammit. That sounds serious!"

M: "It is. The only cure is to stay home doing whatever you want. No lie. Work could be fatal. Look it up."

B: "I am so much a believer...but unfortunately society frowns upon body. You may be hunted much like the beast by a mob by admitting you are in fact inflicted. Dam societal pressure."

M: "Stupid body. Why does it have to afflict me so? I'm cursed...cursed. BTW I can't stop chuckling. I am seriously hilarious. Good stuff..."

So of course I'm at work. She said that she couldn't stop laughing when she read it.

It just proves they are trying to kill me...

Making me work with such an illness.

Hope I make it through the day.

Sigh.

1:38 p.m. - 2010-04-15

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WE WERE THE GATORS...THE MIGHTY MIGHTY GATORS!!!

You want to see something hilarious?

Just set up a kickball tournament.

Good times.

Let me give you some background info.
In my town there used to be two junior high schools that had a friendly rivalry...
Well it HAD to be "friendly" because we all ended up at the same high school our sophomore year, so if you were TOO into the rivalry...

You get my point.

Well about five years after I was out of high school the city council decided to get rid of the two junior highs, put the freshmen at the high school, and build a brand new middle school.

So no more junior high schools.

Well this charity kickball tournament was a brilliant idea.
Except my school was massacred.
But hey they had three times the number of players than my school did so ANYBODY with THAT many players WOULD win.
Of COURSE the person who set this up WAS a rival alumnus so of course he got all his buddies involved.

Stupid Zephyrs.

Their mascot is even stupid--a small gust of wind...pfft.

But don't worry Gators...
I'm playing next year.

And I HATE to lose.

2:31 p.m. - 2010-04-13

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Grimace! Stop stealing my shampoo!!

What the...!?

I get in the shower and get all ready to wash my hair...
I grab my bottle of shampoo and put some in my hand...

And it's PURPLE!!!

Yeah.
You read correctly.
Purple.

Needless to say I was a BIT scared to put it on my head at first but I seriously doubted that John Frieda would want me to have purple hair so I used it.

And my hair is still blonde.

No dilemma this time.

Sweet.

10:45 a.m. - 2010-04-10

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Effin' Palinphobia!

I am scared.

I am scared that people are going to SERIOUSLY start listening to what Sarah Palin is saying...

And actually believe her bullcrap.

I am scared that this overblown, worthless woman is going to run for President.

And ACTUALLY get votes.

If that happens, I just might have to move out of this country.
Because, seriously, she doesn't know what she's talking about.

I guess I will have to do everything in my power to stop her.
I'd almost prefer another Bush to run against her.

So now you KNOW how much I dislike the woman.

I think I need to throw up.

4:51 p.m. - 2010-04-09

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Maurice WHO?

Maurice Clarett.

SO much talent in such an even bigger douche.

For all those non-Ohio State fans, Clarett was this amazing freshman(yeah FRESHMAN) tailback that helped The Buckeyes win the 2002 National Championship against Miami.

AND THEN...splat.

His ego started to get ahead of his talent and he began this downward spiral that ended with him in PRISON for robbery, concealed weapon,...blah blah blah.

Grrrr.

Why I'm writing about him is that he may be moved to a smaller facility from where he's at now, so he's in the news again.

And I'm still angry.

Angry that someone who was that talented could literally piss away every chance they had to succeed, to go back to something so detrimental to themselves.
Angry that someone else could've EASILY
taken his place if he wasn't up for the job.
Angry that he didn't recognize how much of a GIFT it is to truly do what you love.

But maybe he DIDN'T love playing football.

At least not ENOUGH.

Sometimes people are just a product of their environment and no matter where you move them and how many things they have, they eventually go back to the familiar, the old neighborhood.

And that's just sad.

3:31 p.m. - 2010-04-08

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What is this \"film\" you speak of?

Wow.

My life has been C-A-RA-ZZZEEE lately!

I have been packing up because I am moving out of my apartment into a honest-to-goodness house with tons o' storage.

I probably should wait to pack until the house actually closes...
But that would make too much sense.
PLUS I'm super duper excited.

The funny thing? I have had a digital camera for YEARS and the other day I was cleaning out a drawer and I found my old Minolta 35mm.

That's not the funny part.

What's AWESOME is that there's a roll of film still in it.
And I have NO IDEA what is on it.

Oh memories...

I can't wait to see what else I find in the 11 years worth of stuff I have accumulated.

HA!!

3:07 p.m. - 2010-04-07

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The Great Hepburn Theory

My friend TK gave me this idea:

Her stoned friend theorized that there are only two types of women.

I call it the Hepburn Theory.

One woman(Katherine) was a ballsy, smart independent woman in a time when women stayed at home and took care of the family.
The other(Audrey) was a classic lady full of style and grace who could make even oddness seem elegant.

Brilliant.

I can literally put every single woman I know as one of these two women.
I myself am a Katherine--as if that needed to be spelled out.
I AM amazed at how many Audreys I have in my life though.

Even though I SHOULDN'T be.

5:35 p.m. - 2010-03-12

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Snooze-a-lot late night...

I watched George Lopez last night.

And I must say...

I don't get it.

He's not that funny. I mean he doesn't make me sad or anything like that, but he sure doesn't make me laugh so hard that I feel like I'm going to pee my pants either.

Needless to say I didn't watch too much of the program.

And that was enough.

12:31 p.m. - 2010-03-05

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\"It's a sunshine da-ay...\"

Geez Louise.

I sound like Peter Brady today.
One moment my voice is fine and the next I can barely talk.

Stupid cold.

Well it WAS funny to see people's faces when my voice did that...

Good stuff.

Now I just have to find a way to get my sister back for gifting me with this lovely cold.

Wow.
I think I just coughed up my lung.

Seriously.

5:21 p.m. - 2010-02-22

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I've got to find Dr. Evil and get my mojo BACK!!!

Deep in my soul, in the deep gooey mushy part of me lies my truth.

I am not happy.

Oh I put on quite a show of not giving a fig about others' opinions. Of always being the "funny" one, the entertaining one.

But I feel like I'm disappearing slowly a little bit more everyday.

Where's my chutzpah? Or, as Austin Powers says, my mojo? I used to TRULY believe that I was someone special: one of a kind even.

But am I really?

As far as I know there could be a woman like me in every town, city, and mental ward...well I'm leaning more towards the mental ward. I'm almost 99.99% sure I'm a BIT deranged.

Or is this "truth" just a result of today?
A day meant for couples.
A day that I'm sitting here by myself in my pajama pants and a shirt instead of with someone special enjoying their company.

Of course it is.

This day just amplifies the feeling unfortunately.

My question to myself...
What am I going to do to change it?

Stick around.

It's going to get interesting...

7:11 p.m. - 2010-02-14

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Does snow make people stupiderer?

Okay.

The snow here really isn't as high as other parts of the country, but it is still a pain in the patoot. In my yard I literally have drifts so high that I can't step over them--they're about waist high.
And other parts of my yard have absolutely no snow.
Nada.
Zilch.

Oh for crying out loud.

Someone just tried to drive through the alley beside my house and got stuck. This particular alley NEVER gets plowed even though it's a pretty busy alley--another example of our city workers' hard work *cough cough*.
But people still attempt to drive down this plowed, icy strip of alley--heaven forbid they go less than a block down the street and turn THERE.

Duh.

6:59 p.m. - 2010-02-08

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I must REALLY love that Christmas spirit

I just realized something.

I still have Christmas cards hanging up. It cracks me UP because when I took all the Christmas decor down and packed it away, I walked around the house making sure that I had all the Christmas stuff before I carted it out to the garage.
I've walked through the doorway thousands of times since.
Maybe I'll take them down today.

Nah.

2:46 p.m. - 2010-02-07

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I'm in the dictionary!!!!

I've discovered a new phenomenon.

urbandictionary.com.

I went on there and typed my name and this is what it said.

Sassymcgee
1. Awesome personified.

That is SOOOO true it's scary. I mean the people that put this stuff on there really know what they're talking about.

Even my real name is SOOO spot-on it's almost ridiculous...
1. The sexiest girl in the world.
2. S is, to say the least, an incredible girl. She is an immediate soul mate, before you even have the time to realize it. She is gorgeous, but still stands out from the other pretty girls. She has a sense of humor that never disappoints or keeps you from laughing. She has this aura about her that no one else could ever have. She carries herself with grace worthy of Grace Kelly herself. S is loving, unique, and maybe even a bit quirky; but its in a cool addictive way. Once you meet a real S, don't ever let go.
3. The most adorable, retardedly funny, easy and fun to talk to person to walk the earth.

I AM that awesome...

It's a FACT people.

I knew it.

9:35 a.m. - 2010-02-06

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I need Mamamcgee's chicken noodle soup STAT!

I am just a large mass of achy-ness.

I think I'm getting sick because my eye sockets are throbbing and I pretty much want to rip my nose off.
Stupid sinuses.
Well actually I'm sore all over and don't want to do anything.
I think I am just going to make myself some tea and plop my butt down on the couch tonight.

The laundry's not going anywhere.

And relaxing definitely is not an option tomorrow so I better enjoy it.

Man I hate getting sick.

6:57 p.m. - 2010-01-29

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Haircutting Mo' Fo'

I am a dumb ass.

Why why WHY did I think it was a good idea to cut myself some bangs at 5:30 in the morning!? Was it necessary to cut them at THAT moment?
Hell to the no.
Because now I have a wall of too-short, jagged hair across my forehead that needs to be trimmed up even SHORTER...

There's something seriously wrong with me.

I should KNOW better to touch my hair with scissors--I am notorious for cutting my hair when it doesn't do what I want it to.

Stupid temper.

Well now I have to live with these kid bangs until they grow out a bit...

I really just need to take all the scissors out of the bathroom because clearly I can't be trusted.

Stupid idiot.

10:51 p.m. - 2010-01-27

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Whatcha talkin' about 1995?

Ha!

Why in the past couple of weeks have I heard slang from the '90s that I haven't heard in YEARS?

I about sprayed the cat with Dr. Pepper when I heard "face" on How I Met Your Mother.
That's good stuff.
I forgot about THAT one.

"That's my JAM!" has popped up...which is hilarious because I still use that one.

For a moment I was wondering why I was hearing such old slang...
Then I remembered I was old.
And that people MY age were writing these shows so...
Old slang has become awesome again.

That is SO rad.

Totally.

7:35 p.m. - 2010-01-26

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The Helen Keller Driving Institute

YEEEEEESSSSSS!

A three day weekend FINALLY!
I thought it would never get here...

Why oh why do people think that multitasking while driving is a good idea?
In a hurry ladies?
Do you REALLY need to be putting on MASCARA(!) while speeding to work?

I would say nope.

Is it necessary to read or text while driving?
The book can wait and I'm PRETTY sure that Bob can wait five minutes for you to say "yeah" in a text.

If you're in such a rush in the morning, please do the rest of us a favor...

GET YOUR BUTTS UP EARLIER AND STOP DOING DANGEROUS CRAP WHILE DRIVING!!!!

Seriously.

Learn to manage your time better.
You're adults--have some common sense.

I would like to make it to tomorrow.

8:48 p.m. - 2010-01-21

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